I’ll try to be brief, but I won’t make any promises….;)
Back story: From the age of maybe 14 until now, I’ve struggled with an addiction that took over my life. An addiction that made me question myself. An addiction that I hated and wanted more of all at the same time, as most addictions make you feel. I couldn’t tell family. I couldn’t tell friends….most of the time I couldn’t admit to myself what was going on….
I wasn’t raised in church or even understood who God was and salvation until I turned 16. I can’t even explain what that moment was like, I just KNOW that it felt like something I couldn’t see was psychically pulling me out of my seat. My heart was racing, all of my senses were at 100. It was the strangest thing, but I knew I had to do it. Today, that moment for me signifies the FACT that we are CHOSEN. God was not going to let me leave that church service the same way I came in, even if He had to do something supernaturally to help me out my seat LOL
Fast forward: Give or take some time after that I would find strength to stop, then my own desires would cause me to fall back, back and forth, back and forth for years. I hated myself. I would get depressed, but I still didn’t “want” to stop. I couldn’t stand to look at myself in the mirror. It got to a point where I would say, “I’m fine with going to hell, because I can’t shake this.”
Can you imagine casting YOURSELF to hell, because you’ve convinced yourself you can’t be free?! Self-inflicted torture.
Even during these back and forth times, God, our loving and awesome God, would still show himself to me and do incredible things in my life……..but I would go crawling back to my choice of “drug”.
Present time: It was getting bad, I knew there was more. Decided to seek help and understanding from people who struggled with the same thing. Went to YouTUBE and found a man telling his testimony that shook my world. He said the only time he was able to fully walk in his freedom was when he was more concerned with hurting the heart of the One he loves vs. temporary pleasure. What?! It’s that simple! Care about God’s feelings?!
TRULY CARE! All of these years with God and I didn’t really love Him and care for Him, like I should’ve. I hardly read the Word, hardly fasted, hardly meditated in His presence, hardly took time out to pray. Recently I fasted and my only desire going into the fast was the desire to have more of God. To know Him intimately. To desire Him above all of my wants (even the ones I consider to be good), desire Him above ministry work, just to HAVE MORE OF GOD!
TODAY, I CAN SAY THAT I AM WALKING IN MY FREEDOM AND I AM 100% IN LOVE WITH THE GOD I SERVE. EVERYDAY IS A NEW DAY FOR HIM TO BLOW MY MIND. WHATEVER YOU NEED FROM GOD, LET HIM BE THAT!!! YOU can’t do it on you own, WE NEED HIS STRENGTH TO BATTLE ADDICTIONS AND STRONGHOLDS. When you care about God, you care about His word, the time you spend with Him, and not doing anything that He is against.
This is quite long and many may not read it, but KNOW THIS: During all those years, and even before I ever acknowledged Him. He has loved me, fully and intimately. When I was sinning, He loved me and it is His love for me that has set me free. HIS LOVE FOR YOU, WILL SET YOU FREE, NOTHING YOU DO CAN SEPARATE YOU FROM GOD’S LOVE!!!! DON’T WAIT UNTIL YOU “GET IT TOGETHER” COME NOW!! He’s waiting…..Please PRAY for me as I will be praying for you!
“35 Can anything ever separate us from Christ’s love? Does it mean he no longer loves us if we have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or hungry, or destitute, or in danger, or threatened with death? 36 (As the Scriptures say, “For your sake we are killed every day; we are being slaughtered like sheep.”[a]) 37 No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us.” Romans 8:35-37 NIV
After these scriptures if you keep reading in the Bible, it goes to tell you how NOTHING can separate you from God’s love.