Tears.

 

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This beautiful soul committed suicide today. Simone Battle is her name. I never heard of her and I am not sure that I have ever seen her picture, but today on my Instagram her picture is everywhere.

They say “RIP” as the caption. My first thought……oh no I wonder what happened?!

I read on only to find out, she’s pretty famous and the saddest part….she didn’t die, because she had an illness or got into a fatal accident-but, at some point she felt completely worthless and saw that the “only” way out was taking her life.

Several things, break my heart with this story, ONE THING completely frustrates me. 

All of the captions and I mean ALL of the captions that I SAW, referenced her beauty. Like the only reason you are sad that she took her life is because she’s beautiful ?? Now, I know alot of people didn’t know her personally, so they can only speak on what they see…….BUT, as you can see she is BEAUTIFUL, BUT her beauty couldn’t save her from the hands of depression.

We live in a society where everyone is completely obsessed with the way they look, not even necessarily for themselves, but for those watching. We have to look like we have it all together, even if we don’t. As, women some of us hide behind our make-up and some men hide behind the price tag of whatever they own. NONE OF THAT CAN SAVE YOU FROM THE HANDS OF DEPRESSION.

I know nothing about this young lady, besides the things that I’ve read online. One thing I didn’t read online, but that I’m sure of is, 24/7 people could have been telling her that she is beautiful, but that didn’t help her from depression. The crazy part would be if she got to a point where she didn’t even like the way she looked….wouldn’t that be something?!

My point is, we have to dig deeper in our relationships with people. My friends dress nice and are attractive, but I am connected with them to know when there is problem even when their hair is nice and make-up on point. Love people as deeply as you can. Honestly, care even for strangers. Say hello more often. Smile when walking down the street. Say thank you and let someone know they are appreciated. Never stop telling the ones you love that you love them. Lastly, be more compassionate, because if the first thing you think about when you hear about suicide is “they are so selfish”, then you’ve completely missed the point. I’ve never heard a depressed person say how much they love themselves and this is why they are committing suicide. Try to be more understanding. There are so many people who genuinely need help and love. Let’s stop being so selfish and be a positive impact to a crying world.

And if you haven’t heard it today I LOVE YOU AND CARE ABOUT YOU!!!

 

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Testimony Time.

I’ll try to be brief, but I won’t make any promises….;)

Back story: From the age of maybe 14 until now, I’ve struggled with an addiction that took over my life. An addiction that made me question myself. An addiction that I hated and wanted more of all at the same time, as most addictions make you feel. I couldn’t tell family. I couldn’t tell friends….most of the time I couldn’t admit to myself what was going on….

I wasn’t raised in church or even understood who God was and salvation until I turned 16. I can’t even explain what that moment was like, I just KNOW that it felt like something I couldn’t see was psychically pulling me out of my seat. My heart was racing, all of my senses were at 100. It was the strangest thing, but I knew I had to do it. Today, that moment for me signifies the FACT that we are CHOSEN. God was not going to let me leave that church service the same way I came in, even if He had to do something supernaturally to help me out my seat LOL

Fast forward: Give or take some time after that I would find strength to stop, then my own desires would cause me to fall back, back and forth, back and forth for years. I hated myself. I would get depressed, but I still didn’t “want” to stop. I couldn’t stand to look at myself in the mirror. It got to a point where I would say, “I’m fine with going to hell, because I can’t shake this.” 

Can you imagine casting YOURSELF to hell, because you’ve convinced yourself you can’t be free?! Self-inflicted torture.

Even during these back and forth times, God, our loving and awesome God, would still show himself to me and do incredible things in my life……..but I would go crawling back to my choice of “drug”

Present time: It was getting bad, I knew there was more. Decided to seek help and understanding from people who struggled with the same thing. Went to YouTUBE and found a man telling his testimony that shook my world. He said the only time he was able to fully walk in his freedom was when he was more concerned with hurting the heart of the One he loves vs. temporary pleasure. What?! It’s that simple! Care about God’s feelings?!

TRULY CARE! All of these years with God and I didn’t really love Him and care for Him, like I should’ve. I hardly read the Word, hardly fasted, hardly meditated in His presence, hardly took time out to pray. Recently I fasted and my only desire going into the fast was the desire to have more of God. To know Him intimately. To desire Him above all of my wants (even the ones I consider to be good), desire Him above ministry work, just to HAVE MORE OF GOD!

TODAY, I CAN SAY THAT I AM WALKING IN MY FREEDOM AND I AM 100% IN LOVE WITH THE GOD I SERVE. EVERYDAY IS A NEW DAY FOR HIM TO BLOW MY MIND. WHATEVER YOU NEED FROM GOD, LET HIM BE THAT!!! YOU can’t do it on you own, WE NEED HIS STRENGTH TO BATTLE ADDICTIONS AND STRONGHOLDS. When you care about God, you care about His word, the time you spend with Him, and not doing anything that He is against. 

This is quite long and many may not read it, but KNOW THIS: During all those years, and even before I ever acknowledged Him. He has loved me, fully and intimately. When I was sinning, He loved me and it is His love for me that has set me free. HIS LOVE FOR YOU, WILL SET YOU FREE, NOTHING YOU DO CAN SEPARATE YOU FROM GOD’S LOVE!!!! DON’T WAIT UNTIL YOU “GET IT TOGETHER” COME NOW!! He’s waiting…..Please PRAY for me as I will be praying for you!

35 Can anything ever separate us from Christ’s love? Does it mean he no longer loves us if we have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or hungry, or destitute, or in danger, or threatened with death? 36 (As the Scriptures say, “For your sake we are killed every day; we are being slaughtered like sheep.”[a]) 37 No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us.” Romans 8:35-37 NIV 

After these scriptures if you keep reading in the Bible, it goes to tell you how NOTHING can separate you from God’s love.

 

Are you a “hoarder”?

We can have a hoarder’s mentality without ever collecting or keeping a physical object.

We can be hoarders over yesterday’s troubles. Yesterday, in this doesn’t necessarily mean 24 hours ago. Many people are holding on to trash from 6 days ago, 4 months ago, 10 years ago.

Wherever you fit in numerically, you need to ask yourself “am I a hoarder?”

Why am I holding on to this junk? It’s killing me from the inside out, but I can’t let it go!

I read a quote that said “Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die”. Your “junk” may not be anger. It may be resentment, self-esteem issues,  abuse,  etc. Either way its killing you and you HAVE to let it go.

Some things are easier to let go of than others. Some things take a little more time…..but, guess what?! With one simple act of surrender, God can and will take those burdens from you and give you the grace to move past them. He will strengthen you and give you the freedom you were always looking for.

ALL OF THIS is coming from an ex-hoarder! I’ve been there and I’m still on a journey of letting things go. The thing is, it may be scary, because you’ve become so used to living this way that any other way seems foreign. Be brave, like I know you are! The life without this “junk” is peace, freedom, joy, wholeness and its waiting for you! “Let go and let God” may have become a bit of a cliché, but it’s so true. Give it to the craftsman of all craftsman, and let Him make a masterpiece out of you!

 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” Matthew 11:28 NIV

If Jesus Walked the Earth Today.

Excerpt from a friend:

If Jesus walked the Earth today, how would He look?

He would look a little like you, a little like me

He would be clothed with humility and integrity

With a hat of understanding and hoodie of compassion 

With a shirt that reads:

Keep Calm and Follow Me

He would be transparent, so when you looked at Him

You would see your reflection

and when He saw you, He would see

PERFECTION…

 

 

Thoughts. Random Thoughts.

I have far too many thoughts in my head right now to just pick one, sooooo……I’LL BRIEFLY PUT ALL OF THEM IN ONE BLOG 😉

First topic: Waiting

Why is it so hard to wait for things God has promised? Why do we get so frustrated and start doubting? Why do we act like God will change His mind?…..I said “we”, because I’ve been there and I’m still working to do better.

First, off God will not say anything and then decide to change His mind, as if He’s saying “Oops, made a mistake!” NOT MY GOD! (Isaiah 55:11)

Second, we wait on God, instead of IN God. Waiting IN God, taps into His peace and grace to pass the time.(2 Cor 12:9)

Lastly, KNOW THE GOD YOU SERVE. He is ALPHA AND OMEGA. He has written your story and planned it out perfectly, in the beginning of time. (Psalm 139:16) 

Wait, patiently and don’t doubt. God is the beginning and the end, meaning the story is written in completion, meaning…..YOU ALREADY HAVE IT! IT’S ALREADY YOURS! NO WORRIES!!

Second topic: Addiction

Transparency Time: I struggle with an addiction, expressing my way out publicly, hopefully will help bring healing and deliverance to someone else.

It wasn’t until recently that I realized that a lot of the times we aren’t delivered from our struggles, because we make it personal instead of it being about God..”What do you mean?”

We selfishly want to be delivered, because we’re scared of what will happen to us, what people may think, etc. Instead, of wanting to be delivered,  because we want an authentic relationship with God. When your desires shift from selfishly wanting to be delivered vs wanting it, because you crave intimacy with God; then and only then will you be delivered(James 4:7). You need to desire God and want God, doing it for your own reasons will only be temporary and you will continue to struggle with an on-going addiction. The devil can only entice you with things you desire

Last topic: Humor

PLEASE PEOPLE OF GOD SMILE AND LAUGH MORE!!! Stop walking around with that “deep worship face” (some of you know what I mean 😉 ) Smile! You’ll be a better witness of God, if you simply smile more (Psalm 126:2)